The three of them sat in the study, surrounded by all the books and tomes of the past centuries of humanity, all the great works of science and philosophy and literature, and they all knew that within all of this collective knowledge was contained the truth to it all like breadcrumbs throughout all their pages and words.
“…I mean IT ALL is just as it sounds.”
“So it’s nothing?”
“NO, its literally all the stuff and things.”
“But anything you say that refers to IT ALL as the subject is not saying anything.”
“Not at all, for example if I say Its ALL a mystery, that we can’t know for sure of anything, it means what it says.”
“Look I’m not getting into THIS debate again with you.”
“Okay, but we can both agree that there is a phenomena occurring in which we (at the very least) perceive our own existence.”
“Well in this context, the only thing that matters is perception of things. Our perception of things creates meaning.”
“But then we have to wonder, from where do we perceive things happening? We cannot stop thoughts that arise from within us, and we can’t control what goes on outside of us, so there must be this place from which we see both sides.”
“Momma Catz didn’t say weather the windows would be in your head or in the wall.”
“So are you gonna look out or within?”
“That’s the trouble with it. You cant ever stand still long enough to get a good look one way or another. It’s not that I think Momma Catz isn’t full of it, I just think you can’t make it happen unless the windows are clean, and both windows just pile up with mud from all kinds of places.”
“I hear ya.”
“I mean, I get out there with the cleaner and the paper towel, if you get what I mean, but it never seems like the rain stops long enough, or the cars don’t stop going by for long enough to do it. The maintenance of it is just too painful, too fruitless to try.”
“But I mean, you’ve got to.”
Then Leon spoke up. “Who is this Momma Catz anyway?”
“You’d know her if you saw her.”
“yeah, hard to miss, she was at Bobby’s wedding last tuesday.”
“Oh. I think I know who you mean…” He didn’t.
“Anyway, why do windows need to be the thing to worry about. If you’re looking out or in, you gotta be in a room to begin with. Why not just keep that space tidy enough, then what goes on outside won’t matter so much.”
“Idk, then I feel like I’m missing out on stuff. I get anxious if I never see what the world is doing.”
“Some people are like that.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know who or what I am. I can’t find the words that make me feel comfortable with myself. Like I need a label, but they all don’t fit. If I just knew who I was supposed to be I’d get down to business and be who I was meant to be.”
Leon spoke up again. “But aren’t you already who you are?”
“No Leon, that’s not at all what I mean.”
“Yeah Leon, like are you looking out of the window or into the window, do you want a tidy room or a tidy yard, or are you just a mess all over?”
Leon had to think for a bit about that and ultimately would come to no conclusions. The other two continued their conversation.
“It really seems like Momma Catz knows it all though, like windows and maintenance and all that, where are we looking and who are we, these are the questions we need to always ask ourselves so that we can KNOW with all certainty what we should be doing with it all.”
“I mean you ask yourself who you are to spite those others who put you in a box.”
“I guess. You could do that.”
Then Leon spoke again. “I’m not really sure what game we are playing.”
“It’s the secret dude! It’s these questions of philosophy and science that will explain everything you need to know, to transcend what everyone else THINKS is important. You will become closer to a GOD if you know all this stuff.”
“Windows and Momma Catz and spite and where we are?” Said Leon.
“You just don’t get it Leon.”
“I guess not.”
Leon stood up and walked out of the room. He was not a god. He was not looking through any windows. He stepped out of the musty house and walked into the light rain that fell from the dark sky. He felt the cold, and it did not bother him, for cold and warm are only things that countless generations of humanity endured without perishing. In the water there were no words, and his mind was still for every cell and environment of his being wholly existed as Leon in the rain without needing to know any more than where he was and who he was. The great questions continuing in the room, the school and philosophy of whomever momma catz was continued spiraling into disillusion and malaize and ‘ennui.
The cold rain was conquered by Leon for the time-being and his clothes became wet, but they were only clothes. They would become dry and he had no important place to be.
In Leon’s mind there was only whether one would rather spend their life trying to grasp the ineffable, or feel the goodness of existing beyond petty discomfort.
One who never knew the sensation of giving in to the greater and being a part of it, would never know the truth of it all. It is a truth with many names and words and writings that span the centuries of human existence. But only those with the luxury to wonder will wonder and those who can be content with not knowing, or simply knowing enough, would come to find it.
Thoughts do not exist, only actions exist, only sensations exist, only reality exists, and it is as definable as the great being of things, of that which exists simply IS and what does not exist IS not.
Every gap is filled with a being, anything that can find a place will find it and go to it, for the great interlocking and meshing of cells and forms and plants and animals, can only work on what IS there. The chemicals and gasses and electrons of all matter contained form and build where it is possible. If it did not they would not be.
So Leon, not realizing this in so many words, simply didn’t worry about it, because he stood on solid ground, the ground under his feet. He felt the air contained within the world that he was made for. And he was glad that he could be happy just knowing what he knew without explaining it.