One day there was a banana that was once a magic princess but was going through a rough time at the moment. It sat on the edge of the counter in the castle kitchen just…being a banana. The soul of the princess that lived within the banana thought how bored she was about the fact that nothing was going on, of course even if things were occurring, she would not have noticed anyway for she had no ears, eyes, or brain to notice or perceive the events of the world. The only thing she had as a banana was a relatively large nose that was affixed to her banana form.
The princess had suffered a curse from her evil step mom who wanted her own daughter to marry the new prince or something political like that and so she used all her cunning and network of sorcerers on Linkedin to engineer the perfect and most subtle way to get the princess out of the picture. The curse was not that she had been turned into a banana but it was the large nose affixed to her.
It was well known that the young prince had a phobia of noses, often becoming so frightened of his own nose that he would wake up in the night screaming or undergo horrible fits of paranoid delirium whenever presented with a flower to smell. His one saving grace was that noses were soon outlawed by the king to quell his dilemma.
The king was a kind man who only wished the best for all his subjects, except subjects who spoke too loudly. It did not take much for the king to consider anyone loud for he was a man of sensitive ears and whispers. He found it fortunate that he was king for he could outlaw the things he did not like. His son had the fortunate exception of not being executed for his screams because above all else the king honored his family.
Telling his son that he would outlaw noses heartened the boy and so he contacted a network of sorcerers (on Linkedin) to make all noses invisible. The king found invisible noses preferable to cutting off all the noses in the land.
It was then that the evil steppenqueenmother enacted her plan and turned the poor banana princess’s nose into a large schnoz that only the greatest aficionado of noses could love. (incidentally all the nose aficionados were soon driven out of business by the invisible nose act.)
And so there explains why the banana princess had a large shnoz as she lay on the castle kitchen counter. Because it was a magic nose, the banana princes could only perceive the smells that came to her despite her lack of sinuses or cognition. For instance at the present moment she smelt only cool air and the distant aroma of woodsmoke.
Using all her ability she decided it must be night. For she did remember that she had changed into a banana in the kitchen and if it were daytime, the smell of various cookery would have been certainly present. the one thing that still confounded her was why she had become a banana. She could tell on account of the previous exposition that her steppinmother was not the culprit of her bananized form, she was only responsible for the large nose which had recently become a blessing.
You see this is the problem with allowing sorcerers to use social media to promote themselves. The Musa-ized princess thought. If the king had taken rouge entrepreneurial wizards as seriously as outdoor voices or noses, then less people would have access to magic. Perhaps less people would be cursed like her.
The fact that sorcerers were online actually posed many problems for the society of the land. Anyone with a DSL or Cable connection could just get a Merlin or Ming the Merciless in an instant. Those with grudges sicked their wizards on their neighbors, high percentages of the population were turned into frogs or other animals in a rash of inflated magical usage upwards of150% growth.
If less people had wizards, I could at least take a guess at who would have done this to me. She thought as she lay on the counter.